My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
