I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
