I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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