I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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