We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize