Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
