Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
