I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
