If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
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