I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
