My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
