i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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