Taylor Swift is so right about you.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
