SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
