I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
