the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
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