We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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