There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
