im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
