The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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