Soap is not a condiment
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Randomize
