the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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