Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
