I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
