I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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