I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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