dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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