She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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