Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
