I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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