I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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