Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
