My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
