we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
