I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
