oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Say something about gay babies.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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