like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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