so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Someone came in the potted fern
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
