hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
