My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
