I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I think my vagina is haunted
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
