Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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