His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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