Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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