You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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