i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
