Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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