you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
worst night to have a conscience
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Randomize
