I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
