There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
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