**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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