Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Barsexuality is the new black.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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