you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
