Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
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If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
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We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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