I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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