I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
