I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
