yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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