kristin has been a bad kristin
I hope mine doesn't look like that
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
