my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize