and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize