The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
