why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
